So to discover the power of being myself, which I by the way, have'nt yet - I need to get comfortable with being the real me that I am....In some dimensions of my life I have done that successfully. I've established a "brand" for me from childhood, due to my "left -handedness", later on for my loud voice, further on for my characteristic laughter - at uncomfortable decibel levels, more recently for my caustic yet, good natured sarcasm and scandulous on-the-face humor - but these were all really "me" - no preservatives added version....its interesting, how these have formed an "identity" for me - in certain compartments of my life this identity, is inspiring to some, intriguing to others and just plain amusing to some others. Its kinda cool.
In other parts of my life, this very image is uncomfortable to don....because its "inappropriate" or I am out of other's bandwidth or people just dont get who I am...or what I mean.. I clearly feel misfitted and unsync-ed and ALONE. All of us go through " situations" of misfit....I'm not referring to that. I am referring to life and the world around you feeling alien to the real person you are.
Once someone told me - "When things are not working, something is wrong with you or the situation you're in - the solution lies in changing yourself or the context around you - one of these has to work".
I did the first - dint work. Need to try the second now..... the trepidation that change brings is as constant as change itself...But you know those butterflies in your stomach right before the roller coaster or before a big presentation...they last only till you start...I guess I'll be okay. Wish me luck in finally living with "me" that I have discovered and accepted with great effort....
That closes this topic. Be back later with something else that's eating my head.