Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Over the hill...

And the overwhelming themes are,

Purposelessness. So what? How much more? . Where to? Positive disintegration? Existentialism? Identity crisis?

So much to do – so little to do it with, always. Straddling two worlds that are fast drifting in opposite directions is exhausting....Balance is a theoretical concept. Happiness is elusive, relative and momentary

Life’s a charade – I am a terrible actor. The “con” in consumed, concern, conduct is not coincidental and correspond to consequences, conformation (to expectations) and contrived respectively.

Search for meaning is pointless – the answer is 42 (for those unenlightened, read Hitchhiker’s guide). Life’s a joke – I need to learn to laugh with it.

Life really (really, really) never stops....it goes on with no respect for an individual’s state of mind. The drama in life is only in the human mind – the hell should freeze over, the earth should swallow me, I will die without you, injustice will be punished are all logically modeled outcomes sitting on the flawed assumptions that life is fair.

But life is in moments. Moments of utter fulfillment, love, pain, beauty. In the intensity of moments, is where the meaning of life is. It took me all this while to understand this – now that I know it – I guess the next phase is internalizing it, by facing the fact that moments ARE momentary, there are no “everafters” and memories are the only things you leave behind, To reconcile my idealistic Piscean self to the pragmatism of reality. I guess, the following lyrics from ARR's latest album "changing seasons" summarizes it all,

oru pillai ezhuthum kirukal dan vaazhkaiyo
athil artham thedi alaivathe vetkaiya

Is life like the scribblings of a child?

Why this quest to find some meaning to it?

artham puriyum poothu vazhuvu maaruthe
Vazhvu kazhiyum pothu artham konjam maaruthe

When I think I have it figured life changes,

And as life moves on, the meaning I attach to it also changes!!!


PS: I know lately, my posts have been vacillating between seemingly depressive and hopeful thoughts. However, in reality, it is a rational mind which heretofore had oversimplified the enormity of life now realizing the need to grasp the dimensions of this immensely complex conundrum before embarking on solving it (if at all it gets there).


Tapasya said...

Nice thoughts in there. The more we search for meaning, the more lost we are. Sometimes, it is important to listen to life and not understand it, as if it were talking to a baby who didn't know the language and had no clue about what was being said to it.

WG said...

Tapasya,I cant disagree. But maybe its the childhood illusion that as you grow up, you will not simply listen to life but also understand it..This cluelessness is what unsettles me.
On another note, its interesting how without knowing each other we identify with each other's writing!!!

Tapasya said...

Hope I answered your question!